he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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