What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
