he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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