Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
