Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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