HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize