I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
