the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
