I want to walk on stilts...naked
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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