I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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