do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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