found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize