she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
