Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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