I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
