***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
