The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
