life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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