It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
