Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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