i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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