omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
