I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
