goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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