Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize