I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
