He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
