Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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