sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Randomize
