margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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