Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
