Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Those nachos came to me in a dream
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
