You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize