dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
