hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
