Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
