Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
