i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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