oh god the rape fog is back!
from now on my penis is your penis
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Randomize
