guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
