Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
