did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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