i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
