ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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