btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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