strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
How naked do you want me to be?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
