It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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