i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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