All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize