Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
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