New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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