i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
This is my gift to your gina
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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