Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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