I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
