this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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