So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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