I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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