If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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