That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
