Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize