Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize