this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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