Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
