Pants 0. Shit 1.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize