is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
