So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
