dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
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