I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
