i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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