A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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