ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
