dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
