It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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