you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
