And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
