fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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