Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
