I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize