Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My vagina is officially offended.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
