I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
