I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
