This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
